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the sound of water [open/rainpaw!]
sedgepaw
WindClan
this cruel thesis, a spiteful angel's mockery, will bring with it the sorrow of futility
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Post by sedgepaw on Jun 17, 2015 2:09:23 GMT -5
a slender form stood outlined against the horizon as the sun set over the water. sedgepaw blinked out at the waves, ears perked and eyes wide; the breeze against his face was surprisingly cold, likely because the day was at its end, but the little tom cat repressed no urge to shiver - as he felt none. the cool air here was comforting to him, as was the water's movement far below. but even more soothing still were the sounds - a little loud, perhaps, but the gentle ebb and flow of the waves was still pleasant to the ears, as were the beginning sounds of crickets that signaled the ushering in of nighttime. sedgepaw liked to come here just to listen; often times his mind felt too noisy, loud even, and it was only the sound of rushing water that could drown out said noise.
he was not technically allowed to have come here - apprentices were not allowed out of the camp alone - but as obedient as he could be, sedgepaw also sometimes simply could not find it in himself to care as far as some rules were concerned. were he to be caught, he would deal with it then - but until then he would not think on it. it didn't matter anyway, did it? he was insignificant in the grand scheme of things. perhaps no one would even notice he had gone. no - he was fairly certain that no one would. either way, it wasn't a matter that concerned him right now. he'd come here to escape his noisy mind - there was no sense in letting his mind wander even more.
so he did his best to stop and just listen, once more - to shut out the world around him until the only thing that came to the forefront was the ocean that stretched out before him and the sound of the waves. idly, he realized that his paws ached a bit; he'd been standing here for some time. without another word, he sat down, wrapping his tail absently around his paws even as he did not move his gaze from the horizon. perhaps he would stay here until the moon came out. he had always liked the stars.
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rainpaw
WindClan
Posts: 11
Rank: apprentice
Age: six moons
Gender: agender
Mentor: nectarfang
Played By: pumpkin
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Post by rainpaw on Jun 17, 2015 2:48:07 GMT -5
rainpaw wasn't supposed to be out on her own.
still, she had found that one paw fell in front of the other easily enough. it wasn't something she did with a great deal of deliberation or soul searching. it was just a simple, mechanical movement - as natural and automated as breathing. one paw in front of the other and she was out of the camp. no one had even noticed her leaving. another cat would have perhaps felt some form of sadness over this, but rainpaw could only feel a dull sort of recognition. it was only natural that they wouldn't have noticed her leave. she was not a noteworthy cat.
she had no particular goal in mind. so when her paws guided her in the direction of the end of the world, she allowed them to. the apocalyptic cliffs were hardly of a concern to the apprentice, though she was hardly as skill at navigating them as sharkpaw. perhaps she would fall. perhaps she wouldn't. she couldn't find it within herself to care either way. her claws slid out as grass and soil met sandy rock, scraping against the stone with an unpleasant sound that made the fur on the back of her neck rise. her gaze lifted to find a familiar black and white form, framed against the ocean.
she considered leaving sedgepaw to his lonely vigil.
the silver tabby finally stepped forward after a long silence. one paw in front of the other until she was at her brothers side, looking down into the ocean. "you're not supposed to be out here." she said simply, her voice raised just loud enough to be heard over the roar of the crashing waves. she didn't consider the hypocrisy of her statement. She slowly sank into a sitting position, tail neatly furled over her paws.
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sedgepaw
WindClan
this cruel thesis, a spiteful angel's mockery, will bring with it the sorrow of futility
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Post by sedgepaw on Jun 17, 2015 7:02:31 GMT -5
sedgepaw was not particularly surprised when his littermate appeared at his side; he had not heard her approach, not with the way the ocean roared before him, but he had perhaps sensed it - whether because he had scented her or otherwise he did not know. (the scents here were strong, true, but either way, somehow he had not been surprised by her appearance. maybe he just wasn't in the state of mind to truly be surprised by anything. oh well. it was a mystery he did not care to solve, and truly not much of a mystery at all.) "you're not supposed to be out here," his sibling was telling him simply, as she sat down on the cliffside beside him. sedgepaw turned his head to blink back at her.
"neither are you," he mewed mildly, and then was silent for a moment - though his gaze perhaps displaying the barest hint of annoyance at being disturbed. then -- "ah, i mean ... hello, rainpaw." whiskers twitching a little embarrassedly, he gave his paws a little shuffle and then stared back out over the water. "i wanted to listen to the waves. it's nice here, isn't it?" his tone was polite, conversational - even though he knew his littermate wasn't perhaps the cat best to appreciate this kind of friendliness.
"i always come here," sedgepaw mumbled, sounding a little less animated, after a brief pause. "no one's told me to stop yet, so..." he trailed off, as if that explained completely. and if one were to know sedgepaw - it kind of did. it was certainly characteristic of him, to hinge something so wholly on whether he had been told otherwise (and he hadn't, so he would keep his private excursions for now, thank you. unless...)
"are you going to tell me to stop?" sedgepaw looked at her again then, tilting his head. he realized he had spoken quite a bit - he tended to babble from time to time. well. at least he hadn't simply closed himself off as he sometimes did. (though this was his littermate, so - perhaps not a great feat in itself, truly.)
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rainpaw
WindClan
Posts: 11
Rank: apprentice
Age: six moons
Gender: agender
Mentor: nectarfang
Played By: pumpkin
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Post by rainpaw on Jun 17, 2015 15:42:27 GMT -5
rainpaw was gazing towards the ocean as if caught in a trance, transfixed by the seemingly endless body of water before her. her insignificance seemed much more clear as she sat there on the edge of the earth and listening to the roar of water as it pounded against stone. there was something almost comforting about it. hypnotized as she was, she almost didn't hear the words of her brother. for a long moment she didn't react beyond the slightest twitch of her ears as they rotated to catch his words. even then, her reaction was subtle - if rainpaw took offense to her hypocrisy being revealed, she didn't show it. a slow blink and a glance of copper eyes in his direction announced that she had decided on what she wanted to say.
"yes." the cat finally answered. she wasn't supposed to be out here. her father would likely be irritated upon finding that she had broken the rules. her mentor would likely find some sort of punishment for her. the thought settled something in her stomach and she could not put her claws on what it was, it slipped out of her paws every time she thought she had finally grasped it. it was a dull and detached feeling, a discolored bruise of a thought that changed its color every time she poked at it. so she left it be. perhaps if she left it to its own devices it would rot and fade and leave her to her emptiness, to the numbness that was if not comforting at least more familiar than the maddening dullness of her own emotions. "they will punish us." she said at last, a simple statement of fact.
"hello, sedgepaw." she replied. she was looking at him now, an unwavering stare that the average cat might find unnerving. but sedgepaw had grown with her, so perhaps he was used to his littermates little quirks by now. the question about the ocean gave her pause. rainpaw very rarely had much of an opinion on anything. but she felt the draw of the end of the world and the beginning of the abyss, of the dark water that consumed every one of her senses until there was no more rainpaw and only the ocean. "it's okay." she said in a hushed voice, as if she feared that giving her opinion was somehow a great rebellion - one that she was not ready to undertake. one that she would likely never be ready for.
but it was the second question that truly gave rainpaw something to think about.
"no."
her gaze flickered downwards, towards her paws.
"i won't tell anyone."
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sedgepaw
WindClan
this cruel thesis, a spiteful angel's mockery, will bring with it the sorrow of futility
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Post by sedgepaw on Jun 21, 2015 0:09:37 GMT -5
sedgepaw was indeed used to the stares his littermate often gave; he did not so much as flinch as he shifted to meet her unwavering gaze, simply blinking right back at her instead. "i won't tell anyone," rainpaw was saying then, and though her tone was mild as ever, even as her gaze shifted to her paws, sedgepaw would choose to interpret it as a kind gesture. "thanks," he mewed back to her. for a moment, he felt like he was supposed to do something else - and hesitantly, his tail rose a little, as if to brush her flank in gratitude. before he could get very far with the motion, however, he seemed to reconsider, flinching and shrinking inwards a little onto himself. after a brief moment in which the tom seemed to try to regain himself (and attempt to act like that awkwardness had not just occured) he glanced at his paws, as if considering something - words she'd spoken earlier.
"maybe they will punish us," he condeded finally. "but not if they don't notice we're gone." there were unspoken words hanging in the air - words he couldn't help but think rainpaw might comprehend. i'm not significant enough for anyone to notice i'm missing. sedgepaw paused a moment then, something seeming to dawn on him gradually - and his expression slowly turning a little more sour. "i guess gorsefang will probably notice you're gone." turning away from her with the tiniest of sighs and expression returning to something a little more resembling neutrality, the patched apprentice gazed out at the water again, blue eyes darting back and forth as they traced the constantly shifting shape of the waves and the motions they made.
"i guess we can go back to camp," sedgepaw mewed then. "if that's what you want." the words were a trap, almost - the type of phrase rainpaw would often have spoken instead, as if daring her to make the decision. (sedgepaw had never been good with decision making anyway.)
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rainpaw
WindClan
Posts: 11
Rank: apprentice
Age: six moons
Gender: agender
Mentor: nectarfang
Played By: pumpkin
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Post by rainpaw on Jun 21, 2015 1:05:06 GMT -5
copper eyes tracked the movement of sedgepaw's tail with a distant look that could perhaps be described as longing. she couldn't place her paw on what exactly she wanted, on what it was that suddenly a dull pang echo in her chest with every thud of her heart, but it unsettled her enough that she was relieved when her brother shrank away from her. as relieved as she was disappointed - that was, not very. the feelings faded quickly, leaving her to stare blankly after sedgepaw. there was a void between them, one as deep and as dark as the ocean before them. in that moment, as her brother flinched away from her, she doubted that they would ever conquer it.
rainpaw considered his words carefully. there was a long moment of silence and then, "no one will notice." she said, her eyes back to the ocean. his next words made something sick rise in her chest, the taste of bile on her tongue. would her father notice her absence? he would certainly not notice sedgepaw being gone - she was not a kit to delude herself that sedgepaw was not neglected where she was favored. she ran her tongue over her muzzle, trying to clear the taste of bile with her own fur. "he won't." she said.
she knew, in the distant way one knew of the suffering of those in a far away land, that sedgepaw was envious. she wished she could give him her fathers love. she wasn't sure she wanted it. "father has no need of me right now." she answered. she was always the dutiful daughter, even though she was not a daughter at all. but she would be, if that was what her father wanted of her. "if he needs me, i will be there."
his words made her hesitate. he had trapped her and she felt something similar to panic, muted yet still potent, bubble up in her throat.
"i..." her paws shuffled. "i don't care, sedgepaw." and there was something in her voice, a quiet pleading that he not make her choose.
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Post by tansyflight on Jun 22, 2015 0:55:27 GMT -5
sometimes, the warrior got restless in the middle of the night. she'd often lie awake for hours, rolling about, disturbing other's sleep, until the she-cat finally decided it was time to go run off the rest of her energy. this was one of those nights. the wind tugged gently at her pelt as she dashed through the dark windclan lands, keeping her cool as her paws collected dewdrops and the soft ground left her paws with a muddy twinge in her soft ginger fur.
what was it about the earth's edge that kept bringing her back? she hated it there. the memories were too intense, too awful to think of, and yet her paws carried her there again and again. it was the slight scent of clanmates on the wind that brought her out this time, the all too familiar feeling returned to the pit of her stomach, the uneasy sense that came from her fear of the cliffs.
as she approached, the she-cat was careful to make her steps loud so the young cats before her wouldn't jump. the cliff face was treacherous enough as it was. "rainpaw? volepaw? what are you two doing out here? don't you know it's dangerous out here?!" the she-cat snapped, whiskers twitching as her skin prickled beneath her pelt.
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sedgepaw
WindClan
this cruel thesis, a spiteful angel's mockery, will bring with it the sorrow of futility
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Post by sedgepaw on Jun 23, 2015 12:22:47 GMT -5
hearing rainpaw confirm that their father would not notice his own absence only seemed to make sedgepaw feel worse, somehow. he said nothing more on the subject, though - instead listening to her response to his last statement. "i don't care, sedgepaw." something in her voice was different. an undertone - something he almost didn't catch, and yet... almost pleading. alarmed, he blinked back at her. "r-right," he replied, somewhat taken off guard. he wouldn't apologize, but some part of him felt like he should. maybe --
oh no. pawsteps, coming closer, deliberately loud enough to not startle them once the cat was close - a clanmate, then. he parted his jaws instinctively to draw in the nearby scents; a whiff, caught then, told him who it was, even before she had reached them. tansyflight - his mentor. the sounds and the scents of the ocean before them had distracted him completely - he hadn't even noticed her approach. in the heartbeat left before she would presumably be upon them, he shot rainpaw a worried look, obviously unsure what to do.
"what are you two doing out here? don't you know it's dangerous out here?!" tansyflight's angry words soon came, and sedgepaw could not help but flinch a little as he turned to look at her, even though he had seen this coming. "i-i'm sorry, tansyflight," the tom mewed, uneasiness clearly audible in his voice. "we-- i mean..." the black-and-white apprentice trailed off then, adopting a troubled expression, and then drawing in a deep and shuddering breath before speaking yet again.
"it's my fault," he told his mentor, fighting to keep his voice steady and his tone polite. "please don't be angry with rainpaw." he didn't like this. he didn't like the idea of being scolded or punished, not at all; he was trembling just the slightest bit, and his whole body seemed to be screaming at him to bolt. (of course, he couldn't - to run away from tansyflight would mean to go in the opposite direction of her, which would mean flinging himself off of the cliff face. an appealing idea perhaps on the surface, but not truly one sedgepaw would want to carry out.) no, i musn't run away, he reminded himself, even as he tried to remember that the reason he was acting out like this was a simply nicety towards rainpaw. after all, she was his littermate; he couldn't let her take the fall for this, not when it was so clearly his fault. he was the one who'd messed up. as much as it pained him to have to admit it - and as much as he was terrified of retribution.
well. at least this way, maybe gorsefang would not have to get angry with rainpaw. that was good, right? not that he would even notice if sedgepaw had stepped out of line anyway - probably. (well. that was untrue. gorsefang might have ignored him half the time, but it was usually only the times when he'd done something wrong that his father would ever deign to make comment. sedgepaw could hear him now. i'm disappointed. i would never be proud to call a disobedient and selfish kit like yourself my child. ha. as if gorsefang ever recognized him as his son anyway.)
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rainpaw
WindClan
Posts: 11
Rank: apprentice
Age: six moons
Gender: agender
Mentor: nectarfang
Played By: pumpkin
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Post by rainpaw on Jun 23, 2015 20:54:34 GMT -5
it was as though sedgepaw had cut her strings the second he accepted her desperate confession. her body tensed suddenly, paws clutching at the earth and cutting little furrows deep in the sand that covered the rock, before suddenly going slack. she did not thank him. how could she? how could she admit to what was so wrong within her, what prevented her from being a full cat that walked and talked on her own rather than danced to the whims of those around her like a leaf caught on the wind? to thank him would be to bring to light that hole in her and she was not ready to acknowledge it - especially not to her brother.
it would be cruel - beyond cruel to let him know that her father favored a fake thing, a barren cat with empty eyes, over a little tom with hopes and dreams.
the rigid posture endemic to the young apprentice returned as pawsteps reached her ears. her jaws parted just the tiniest fraction and her tongue tasted the air, tansyflight's scent mingling with the lingering taste of bile. "tansyflight." she murmured. she did not return sedgepaw's glance. she kept her gaze focused solely on her paws and attempted not to think of the disappointment her father upon finding that she had disobeyed. it was her duty to be the good child, to be the one who provided comfort to her grieving and lonely father. she was being selfish and she knew it but all she could feel was the dull thrum of disappointment at being caught.
she rose slowly as tansyflight spoke. the she-cat didn't like earth's edge, rainpaw remembered distantly. the incident wasn't one that rainpaw was particularly familiar with, but sometimes the elders muttered about it behind their paws when they thought rainpaw wasn't listening. they also spoke of willowblaze and his brother and of a leader who led when they were apprentices themselves. rainpaw supposed she understood that the earth's edge and the ocean far below were dangerous, but she looked down upon those cashing waves rather than back at tansyflight.
sedgepaw was speaking. her ears twitched towards him. he wanted to protect her? why? her guts twisted unpleasantly at the thought. she finally turned her back on the ocean and slowly eased herself between apprentice and mentor. she didn't dare look at tansyflight because this was an act of rebellion, something that made her feel sick to her stomach and torn into a million little pieces - torn between the cat behind her and the cat in front of her. did she leave her brother to his punishment? he had volunteered for it, after all.
her tongue tasted of metal and she realized too late that she had bitten into it deep enough to draw blood. she swiped it over her nose and left a bloody trail behind. she was the expendable one here. she was the one who should take the fall. but standing here now, protecting her brother - that was an act of rebellion. not just against tansyflight, but against the father who had declared that she had worth where her brother did not. she could not look tansyflight in the eyes as she spoke; "excuse me." and her voice was quiet but blank, her face held nothing but the apathy that defined her. as if this wasn't tearing what little identity she had built herself on to shreds.
"i..." what excuse could she possibly use? what would tansyflight believe? her gaze flickered back up to the warrior, copper eyes focusing on tansyflight's own for a moment. then they fell back to her paws. "i thought i smelled a fox." she said.
she wasn't a very good liar.
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Post by tansyflight on Jun 25, 2015 0:41:38 GMT -5
the she-cat rolled her eyes at them, and scoffed when rainpaw spoke. "oh please. don't you think i know how foxes smell? and i know you do too." tansyflight chastised rainpaw lightly. sedgepaw was a bit on edge. really, they both were. amusement crossed over into tansyflight's worry from earlier. "i'm not angry with either of you, don't worry." the windclan warrior muttered, shaking her head and trying not to laugh.
"my only problem is that you're so close to the edge." tansyflight's tone was harsher then. "it is very dangerous out here, and no one knew you were here i'm betting. if one of you had fallen!" the she-cat shivered at the thought. "with how you just reacted, i have half a mind that you'd try to rescue the other and then windclan would be out not one but two healthy apprentices." tansyflight finished, a bit of disappointment seeping into her voice.
she wasn't going to spoil their fun, though. "come away from the edge and i'll tell you a story of what happened here when i was younger, and maybe you'll refrain from perching yourselves so haphazardly near the edge." tansyflight didn't enjoy telling the story, but this was a learning opportunity, and the cats needed a bit of a wake up so that their antics would be had in far less dangerous places. hopefully, anyway.
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sedgepaw
WindClan
this cruel thesis, a spiteful angel's mockery, will bring with it the sorrow of futility
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Post by sedgepaw on Jul 3, 2015 1:59:04 GMT -5
as the patched apprentice ducked his head nervously, he saw rainpaw's silver form abruptly move before him; "excuse me." she did not look up from her paws - somewhat typical of her, he thought, sometimes - but the facts were still as such: she was coming directly in between him and his mentor, and thusly the possibility of punishment. were it not so obvious from the fact that there was simply no other possibility, sedgepaw might have wondered at her intent. as it were, he was puzzled. why was she doing this...? he hadn't exactly thought that she cared for him a great deal - they were not particularly close, as littermates went. (still, sedgepaw would consider her his friend, if he were to be asked. he simply did not think that she would return the sentiment.)
it was the words his sibling spoke next, however, that truly left him at a loss. "i thought i smelled a fox," rainpaw told tansyflight, and sedgepaw had to fight to suppress the groan that threatened to escape from his jaws then. a fox. what? not that he'd done any better - providing no excuses at all, merely taking the blame without explanation, and only leaving himself open for even more questions. starclan help us if this is the best we can come up with. he worried that maybe they were a little hopeless.
tansyflight, of course, saw through the lie easily. flattening his ears against his head, he was relieved when her scolding tone faded to one of mild amusement instead, as she assured the two that she was not angry. "my only problem is that you're so close to the edge," tansyflight mewed, humor leaving her voice then. "it's very dangerous out here, and no one knew you were here, i'm betting. if one of you had fallen!" sedgepaw looked away then, unable to even attempt to meet her gaze. well, that was entirely his fault, wasn't it? he had only wanted to hear the waves up close...
"with how you just reacted, i have half a mind that you'd try to rescue the other and then windclan would be out not one but two healthy apprentices," tansyflight chided. sedgepaw did not know how to react. he doubted in part what she had said; though he did not find himself significant, truly, he also did not think himself brave enough to act when it was necessary. if rainpaw had fallen, he would probably have been useless... frozen up, or run away. it was like gorsefang always said - he wasn't worth anything. "i ... wasn't thinking," he attempted again, trying in part to chase away his train of thought by speaking, easing at least some of the guilt still weighing on him in yet more deference to his mentor. "i'm sorry."
"come away from the edge and i'll tell you a story of what happened here when i was younger, and maybe you'll refrain from perching yourselves so haphazardly near the edge," his mentor told them then, and sedgepaw nodded dutifully. carefully as he could, he made his way farther from the cliffside, navigating as cautiously as he could until he was on a little safer ground. there he sat down, wrapping his tail around his paws (in part to keep it from twitching in unease) and awaiting further direction. thank you for not being angry with us, tansyflight, he thought the words, but could not actually bring himself to speak them. they sounded hollow, especially in the face of what she might be about to tell them. he did not know of her history, not entirely, but he had heard the elders whispering sometimes - and he had met the cats in windclan who were affected forever by things that had occured here. it was serious business, and he had been foolish to risk anyone else's fur by coming out here so openly, where his scent could be followed. (not that his own fur was of nearly as much importance.)
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Post by wisteriacloud on Jul 3, 2015 5:01:57 GMT -5
ancient song holding us together as one | The figure of the lithe white and blue she-cat seemed to ebb and flow with the natural stillness of the forest. Her green eyes were not as keen as they once were, but she could still discern the types of flowers and herbs that patterned the floor of the land. Wisteriacloud had been listening to their conversation for some time, but being naturally reserved, she waited until a natural break in the conversation had appeared. It was an unusual combination: herself, a medicine cat looking for herbs that naturally grew around the earth's edge, a she-cat who she assumed was their mentor, and two apprentices Rainpaw and Sedgepaw. She cautiously edged herself towards where they were standing and picked the two tansy herbs that Rainpaw was almost stepping on with her toes. The medicine cat then retreated back a little and placed the herbs to the side, watching the scene for a brief moment. When Tansyflight mentioned the story, she could not help but giggle kindly a little, "I'm sure you have many stories to tell, Tansyflight." |
VEL OF GS |
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rainpaw
WindClan
Posts: 11
Rank: apprentice
Age: six moons
Gender: agender
Mentor: nectarfang
Played By: pumpkin
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Post by rainpaw on Jul 5, 2015 7:27:21 GMT -5
she had been caught in her lie. that was to be expected. she had never been a good liar.
the wind off of the sea ruffled rainpaw's fur, cutting straight through her skin to delicate bones and quivering muscle. her muscles tensed as tansyflight spoke, drawing tight like metal coils. did tansyflight care if she fell or not? no, rainpaw decided as she cut copper eyes to her brother, tansyflight was concerned that sedgepaw could be injured. that made sense. sedgepaw was her apprentice. the more she thought on the matter, however, the more she felt a curious buzzing beginning in her paws and traveling up her legs, running along her jaws to meet in her mouth. her tongue became thick and heavy in her mouth and she gaped her jaws, lolling her tongue into the cool sea air in an attempt to find some relief from the thoughts that suddenly filled her mind. it seemed that, despite her best efforts, they remained lodged in her mind.
perhaps giving them a voice would free her.
"it would be alright if i fell." she told tansyflight. it wasn't that she wanted to be rude, correcting the warrior in such a way. it was simply that tansyflight needed to know. her gaze shifted to sedgepaw. would he really try to help her if she fell? would anyone? it seemed improbable to her, really, that anyone would mind at all if she were injured. her father, perhaps. but not enough to risk himself. maybe they would mind because she would take up resources? "i belong here." it was as barren and cold here as it was inside of rainpaw, after all.
the appearance of wisteriacloud startled rainpaw - not that rainpaw really showed it, beyond a slight widening of the eyes - and the young apprentice lifted and paw and stepped to the side so the medicine cat could harvest her tansy. "hello, wisteriacloud." she greeted, perfectly polite. "be safe." rainpaw ducked her head and picked her way around wisteriacloud, sitting as close to the edge as she could manage while still being 'safe' in the eyes of the warrior.
the exchange between the two adults got a glance from rainpaw.
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